Relationships are supposed to be about love, romance and support. However, there are those sticky practical matters that creep in once you’ve been with someone for a while, and a big one is definitely the financial balance in a relationship. Money and relationships are not a good match. Whether it is actually like that nowadays or not, there is still the predicament that the man should make the money in a home, or at least enough money so that the woman next to him can choose whether she wants to work or not. You may claim this is outdated way of thinking, but if you are a woman and you have been in a relationship where the guy is not only making less money, but not enough money, I can guarantee there were moments you felt uncomfortable. And that’s OK. The guy felt like that also. So, as with any other problem, the first step is acknowledging and admitting it.
Acknowledging and admitting the financial balance is off:
Easier said than done, right? You can’t help but feel like you have to settle for that man, because he can not offer you the life you want. Money-wise he can not even offer you the life you would have without him. At the same time there is the guilt that you feel this way. Because the morals we are educated in tell us that money shouldn’t be important comparing to love; that you shouldn’t judge someone by his finances. This is where biology and society crash. From evolutionary stand point, we still need the man next to us to take care of us, and in today’s world money is big part of that care. The only way to eliminate this disconnect is to become aware of which is stronger – biology or education. That should be a no-brainer.
Biology is the obvious winner. So what’s the solution then, leave the guy? As horrible as it sounds, it could be. How will he support your family if he can not provide? However, there are a few other options that could work and don’t involve talking to your man. Sounds good? Well, there are some sacrifices included.
Take a step back… or forward. Let’s say you are successful in your field and make tons of money, and your poor man has dept and not a very good job. If you really love him and see the potential for things to change eventually, you need to give him the feeling that there is something to fight for. Let me elaborate. A woman often thinks that she helps her husband by helping him directly – giving him money, taking care of him, even finding him a job. The only real, long term way to help your man is by letting him lead in a tough situation(tweet that!). It’s like jumping off a bridge without knowing if your rope will hold, but basically you should quit your job. I know how it sounds, don’t give me that look now.I don’t mean quit it if you love it and you want to die doing it. But if you, say, have a dream to start a business. Or want to try another career. Or focus on writing your book. This is the perfect time to do so. It will give you the chance to do what you love, it will give your man the motivation to take care of you, because there is no other way, and it will bring you to where he is – at the beginning of the professional growth. It might feel like it’s a step back, but it could be a step forward, and if you have some savings, desire for new perspective and faith this is the man of your life – do it. It will bring your relationship to a whole new level.
The safer way to do the same thing is to live with the same amount he makes and save up the rest. Tell him you need the savings for something, something for you, and he will feel better from the fact that even though you make more money, you also need more, so you are kind of on the same level.
The most important thing to keep in mind about money and relationships:
Whatever you do, don’t let him spend your money before he is truly committed, and rarely allow it even after that (if you are allowing it now, stop it!). It may feel like you are being mean, but really you are only building a successful relationship. Men flourish when there is more responsibility. They need breaks from it, but it also makes them feel important, successful and… well, manly. Women fade under too much responsibility. It’s not that they can’t take it, but it affects their emotions in a negative way, often making them feel guilty, exhausted, depressed. And you know what they say – happy wife, happy life. So let him deal with the lack of money however he decides. This also lets you see how he handles difficult situations early in the relationship.
If you choose not to do that and to help him out financially from the start, you are setting up a pace where you are the money maker. There are some men who will still try their best to shift that, but many would just go along with it. And you will take care of him forever. Mommy.
Like it or not, it is a matter that must be dealt with or it will eat your happiness. I have seen it with many couples. So act quickly.
My name is Maya and I help women be in happy relationships while having amazing careers. If you want to be noted when I write something here or get some real cool ideas to apply in your personal and professional life, join Blizzard to a Breeze mailing list bellow (+ you get a cool gift if you do). I promise you will love it!
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